You smell like stripper and shame
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
soo... how was my night?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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