Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
