i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
