i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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