Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
