Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
