there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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