i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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