Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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