exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
