You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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