Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Green mimosas i think yes
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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