dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
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