is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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