: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
