Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
