Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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