Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
