oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
