the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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