The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
