so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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