guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
