Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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