I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
