I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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