ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
