I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
