The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
