sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
