Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
