i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
