You're a womanizer and a bitch.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
It's official drugs can't kill me
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
