I wish my penis had an off switch
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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