My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Randomize