Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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