life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
