I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
