My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Banned from zoo.
Again?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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