Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
