i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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