As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
God gave him joint rollers for hands
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
