I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
