i would punch a child for taco bell
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
