Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize