sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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