is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
