Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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