His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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