I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
