I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
