oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
