She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
