just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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