Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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