if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize