Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
