woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
