I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
