So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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