I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize