So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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