You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Can you bring me the toilet please
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
