dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
