and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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