No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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