I am spending my child support on dildos
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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