so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
