you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize