They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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