so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
