he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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