My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
