that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize