There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
