I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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