if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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