just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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