i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
