I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize