My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
