god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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