Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
