And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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