Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
