I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
