her vagina looked like bernie madoff
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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