I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
