You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I would ride that face into the sunset
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
