I'm laying in your front yard are you home
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
