she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
