I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
